Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
