I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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