I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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