Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
