It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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