and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
