she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
