I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
