we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
