I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
