This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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