Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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