I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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