HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
