"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
