She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
time to smoke my breakfast
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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