i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
