I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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