At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
