I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's always time for handjobs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
