if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
