i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles