Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just cropdusted the office
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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