Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize