im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
North Korea, Best Korea!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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