Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
