sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
