I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
