I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Randomize
