billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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