I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
