He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
