This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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