what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
