I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
