Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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