I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
