Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
