Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i permit you to call me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
