the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
