***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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