I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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