i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
