I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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