Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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