soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
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and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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