I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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