I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
