Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
