see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
