turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
of course. lets lasso hookers.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
