4 words: hood of his car
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
