Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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