theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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