Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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