last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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