So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
