I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
