Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
