She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
