Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
