if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
