some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
