I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
