I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
