I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
try to milk me bitch
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