dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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