god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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