Umm I'm too high to move.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
and you fell through a lawn chair
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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