She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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