we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ttyl tear gas
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
