I cockslap morals
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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