I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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