haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
