Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
