I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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