after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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