just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
