im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
