nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize