Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
