my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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